Big Eye, September 13, 2016

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Have your say

Many of you will have been devastated to hear the news that our MEP has resigned. Yes folks, from 1st November the East of England will be cast adrift in the European Community without the experienced guiding hand of an MEP to attend to our interests in Strasbourg and Brussels. I’m sure that until the new one settles in we’ll just have to grit our teeth and hope nothing untoward crops up like a minimum size for sugar beet or a cap on the number of bluetits that can safely dangle from birdfeeders. You may laugh but it’s the kind of thing this fellow was fighting to protect us from in his 22 years in Europe.

There is a plan to replace him because we are still members of this megalithic bureaucracy and so using the agonisingly complicated system of proportional representation, the new incumbent lumbered with this post will be the runner-up Labour candidate from the last election if they’re wanting a dead-end job? Its patently not a position for someone hoping for a career in ‘europolitics’ as we’re leaving the club just as soon as Mrs May can fathom out what she wants from the divorce. Maybe a replacement’s not necessary? Perhaps we could get a temp in from an agency just to hold the fort like you would if you needed cover for maternity leave or to allow someone a sabbatical to do voluntary work in The Horn of Africa for a year? Anything’s possible but bearing in mind he or she is unlikely to be ‘flavour of the month’ in the debating chambers, coffee bars and drinking dens frequented by the euro MPs it could be a lonely old time for a brexit newbie as they pin “kick me” notes on your back and poke chewing gum in the keyhole of your locker in the changing rooms. The new kid on the block will hardly have got his or her feet under the table and figured out how to get to Brussels on Eurostar or fill out their expenses before they’ll be getting their P45 and statutory redundancy pay and having to hand back the company car.

After 22 years in the same job I guess our man must have become institutionalised and it’s probably going to be a huge wrench for him having to leave his seat and unplug the headphones for the last time knowing they’ll probably not even notice he’s left. After all, we were never really in Europe were we? We didn’t want their nasty little Euro and the Schengen agreement was something we had no intention of signing, which always suggested to me that our commitment to the United States of Europe was at best half-hearted.

Well, it’s the end of an era. I’m sure we all wish him well in his new role heading up a committee reviewing corporate reporting standards….

His name? Oh I’m sorry, did I forget to mention your MEP’s name? You do know him? Don’t you?