Buns aren’t the only things hot and cross this Easter

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Between The Lines, Diane Lines, April 3, 2015

Now I know that the custom of eggs, the making of chocolate eggs, and all the associated hoo-ha, goes back a long way, but at the risk of sounding like a grumpy old woman (again), does it have to start quite so early? Well, yes – that is a silly question. Of course it does, because we have no power to stop the big retailers.

King Solomon and the waves come to mind (Canute, surely – Ed). I wonder how the recently launched Marmite-flavoured Easter Eggs, made by Kinnerton, are doing. I must say, even as a lover of Marmite, that sounds absolutely disgusting. I suppose they must have done their research though.

I have a friend who works as a food technician at Mars in Lynn. He and his wife have apparently tried the cat kibbles made by this company, and they were quite acceptable. I suppose this makes sense – cats can let you know by a meow or a sneer whether they like the food you put down for them, but presumably some sort of human feedback is needed too. I am not necessarily advocating trying this at home, you understand, although I believe it is quite safe!

On the subject of eatables, I know that round these parts you will find what is considered a great delicacy – samphire. I think the proper way of pronouncing this is sampher. Well I’m sorry but I think I’m the only person on the planet who thinks this is quite revolting. I’ve tried it, really. The same goes for asparagus. Could somebody please explain to me the attraction of these slimy foods? As for the delicacies gathered on our coast – I mean, honestly, these funny little things in shells. I couldn’t eat them if you paid me. It would be a bit like eating something you find in the garden, like a snail.

Ah yes, people do eat snails.

Another thing I can’t understand about our food is why some supermarkets in the region sell onions imported from Egypt, New Zealand, Chile and just about everywhere else but Norfolk. Really – we are surrounded by fields of onions. Why on earth should they be transported several thousand miles?

Talk about coals to Newcastle! Can’t we support local produce?

Anyway, back to the Easter eggs. I’m sure one of our local manufacturers could knock up a samphire and cat food flavour, with maybe a soupcon of mussel.

Probably Heston Blumenthal has already done something similar. Just don’t ask me to try it – I will stick with the hot-cross buns.