Ruby Tuesday
Ruby Tuesday
n RUBY reader Emma is in touch and starts us off with a broadside on behalf of the Apostrophe Party.
“Hi Ruby. Greetings from the Apostrophe Police (Hunstanton Branch) and what a crimewave we have in these here parts!
“A cafe on the High Street is offering coffee’s, tea’s, snack’s and cake’s. And no, this is not written in chalk on a board outside (bad enough), but elegantly ENGRAVED around the bottom of the window!
“Now, just how many people had worked on that window and not one of them noticed this, frankly, unforgivable offence?
“Like last week’s hot dog’s, a van selling seafood by the Lavender Hill services is offering crab’s. Crab’s what? We demand an answer!
“And then there is always Britains Largest Joke Shop. I think Hunstanton readers should all club together and get it an apostrophe for Christmas.”
And with a cheery “keep up the good work”, Emma is gone.
n KAREN Stevens writes: “Hi Ruby. I was shocked to receive my new BT phone book for 2012/2013 to see an advert on the back cover for an executive travel company boldly headed ‘Taxi’s’. Taxi’s what???? Thought you might like to know about that one. I’ll have to use the online Yellow Pages as I can’t be looking at that for a year!”
n IT’S hard to see how the boys in blue can ever be forgiven for this, but the Norfolk Police “report crime online” form asks people to describe the “color” of any vehicle that might have been involved. Ruby duly filled-in the form to report a crime against the English language and expects to be referred to the victim support chappies any day soon.
Large buckets of shame upon you, Norfolk Police.
n LATEST two word abominations to clutter our email this week have been “through out”, “when ever” and “land lord”. This thing is getting out of hand.
n AND even fellow columnist The Big Eye joins the apostrophe battle. “Yo, Rubes” he says (must be some kind of ancient Norfolk greeting). “Just thought I’d join in your crusade against the errant apostrophe.
“Sailing into town yesterday I noticed that good old TESCO have erected a new sign in what I can only assume is an homage to their market trader roots. The brightly lit, black and white erection at the entrance to the Hardwick site bears the legend in huge plastic letters.
CD’s
DVD’s
Words fail me. Yours, The Big Eye.”
n “HI there. I hope you’re having a good week? I wanted to drop you a quick email on behalf of Bodyform as they have just been crowned winner of the feminine care category in the highly recognised Product of The Year 2012 survey.”
Our gruff old editor shouted: “No I’m not having a good week, since you ask” and the next sound was the email thudding into the delete basket.
Cheery emails sent from total strangers enquiring insincerely after the quality of your week so far, complete with an unctuous question mark? They are on the list for extermination, and Rubes will get round to them once she’s won the Apostrophe War.
n AND now, a couple of belters. People attending a Dersingham Parish Council meeting were upset to hear that what was described as “inappropriate links” had appeared on the Dersingham village website.
What these links involved was never discussed but the good parishioners obviously feared the lovely village of Dersingham was being brought into disrepute by links to adult sites, or some such.
Seems that later the same evening the site wobbled and crashed. It has been suggested this might have been because after the meeting everyone went home to check out the links for themselves.
A packet of chocolate biscuits to the first person who can write a funny limerick beginning, There was a young lady of Dersingham ..
n STARING intently at her computer screen, Ruby couldn’t understand why, upon moving her computer mouse, the cursor was not responding on her screen.
After banging the mouse heavily on the desk, she realised that in fact what she was holding in her hand was a satsuma.
Don’t tell the Ed, but this isn’t the first time this has happened. So far she has also tried to use the stapler and her purse!
n RUBY visits her sainted grandmother on a Friday afternoon, so was sadly unable to get along to the Cory Wheelabrator business liaison meeting held at Swaffham’s Eco-Tech, meaning she missed a fair bit of fun and games as anti-incinerator types put their oar in.
It all threatened to get a bit heated when one of the antis, John Marrow, of South Wootton, objected to having his photograph taken by a Cory operative.
It was all sorted out in the end when the picture was finally deleted. Mr Marrow, 65, said: “I may only be 5ft 4ins but I’m fairly broad and let us say, I was once trained by the Armed Services!” Don’t say any more John, or you might have to kill me afterwards.
n SEEN in the window of QD Stores in Lynn –Valentine’s gifts from only 49p. Who said romance was dead?
n BRIAN Bunting writes: “Hi Ruby, I notice that several times you have complained about having to watch TV from Look North and those heathens from Yorkshire. No need to now. With the Tacolneston transmitter near Norwich going digital it is now possible to get a good, full strength picture from Look East/Anglia. You have to get your aerial re-aligned which must be a wideband/highgain type, and away you go.” Ruby is trusting Brian that “wideband” and “highgain” are technical terms and two words properly blended into one.
Reader Peter Alsop also kindly responded with the the information that you can get Look East on freeview channel 807.
n RUBY’S dad struggled all Saturday afternoon to put-up a shed. At the end of a hard day’s work, in freezing temperatures, the building could boast a roof and a lovely double-glazed door. Shame it didn’t have any walls.
n THE prize for most optimistic start to a press release this week goes to: “As I’m sure you are aware, next week is National Apprenticeship Week...”
n CUMBRIA Tourism tells Ruby Paddington Bear will be attending the Original Marmalade Awards in the Lake District at the end of the month. As the duffle-coated creature is from deepest Peru and marmalade has its roots in France, Ruby is confused. Everyone knows that Peter Rabbit has his roots oop there, Rubes has been round the Beatrice Potter estate there a few times herself, but Paddington Bear is a children’s character too far. What next? Pooh sticks on Windermere?
n RUBES found herself on the A14 on Friday, heading south, and popped-in to Tesco at Stowmarket. She was pleased to see they are keeping up the good work on prices. One litre cartons of pressed apple juice £1.48, or a snip at £3 for two.
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Weather for King's Lynn
Sunday 27 May 2012
Today
Sunny
Temperature: 9 C to 26 C
Wind Speed: 17 mph
Wind direction: East
Tomorrow
Sunny
Temperature: 10 C to 24 C
Wind Speed: 10 mph
Wind direction: North
