To Be Frank - I’m a bloke, get me out of here
I’ll make no bones about it, I didn’t want to do it. No sane man would. But I had to.
The Other Half couldn’t, because she’d sprained her ankle. And the cupboards were bare, so we were desperate.
And trust me, if it gets to the stage of relying on me to do this sort of thing then, boy, are we desperate.
But there was nothing else for it – I had to face the living hell of the weekly ‘food shop’, and with nothing more than The List as my guide.
Oh, that sounds so easy, doesn’t it? Ha! And Ha! again!
In my defence, we were talking to one of our neighbours afterwards, and asked if her other half did the supermarket run. “God, no!”, she said. “He won’t go anywhere near the place!”
Well at least I know I’m not alone. In fact, when I got there, I could see bewildered hubbies, standing in the middle of food aisles, staring around helplessly, as if they’d accidently got themselves trapped in the metaphysical sciences department of a huge bookshop, and couldn’t find their way to the football section.
Slightly sager other halves cut lonely figures in the supermarket car park, still in their cars, even if that meant sitting in the dark – because frankly anything was better than the nameless horror of the weekly food shop.
Me, I normally cut a good old British compromise. I aim to turn up just before the dreaded deed is finished, so my contribution is restricted to some trolley pushing, and the good honest manual labour of unloading and packing afterwards.
Well, and the terror that is taking it in turns to pay the bill, but that’s another thing entirely.
But actually knowing what to get in the first place ... come on! That’s a highly skilled job! You need weeks, months, years of training in highly specialised disciplines like price comparison, food knowledge and product identification to achieve that!
And you’re leaving all that to ... me?!
It could only end in tears. Or, worse, a large trolley full of stuff The Other Half never wanted in the first place.
See, it’s all very well for The Other Half. She does this sort of thing week in, week out. She knows the difference between minced beef and minced steak (come on, fellas – do you?), or whether it matters if it’s marked as lean, extra lean, or not lean at all.
And she knows where it all is! (“Is it me, or has everything been moved around again?” I asked the lady on the checkout. “Er ... about two months ago!” she said).
I, on the other hand, can only guess what’s right, what’s acceptable and what isn’t ... and go round and round the fruit and veg aisles five times in an ultimately failed attempt to find the right grapes.
Trying to do price comparisons is bad enough at the best of times – even if you feel you just might have successfully grappled with the maths, you still have to know what’s a good price in the first place.
Of course, there is an answer to all this unimaginable terror. Apart from feigning death, that is.
Do your grocery shop online and get it delivered. Our neighbour with the stay-away other half swears by it!
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Weather for King's Lynn
Tuesday 21 May 2013
Temperature: 8 C to 12 C
Wind Speed: 25 mph
Wind direction: North
Temperature: 4 C to 14 C
Wind Speed: 14 mph
Wind direction: North west