Ruby Tuesday - All aboard to Blunden town

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Brian Baylis notices that Ruby is a train traveller and implores her: “When travelling to the capital next, listen to the automated announcement about where the train is going, as you will hear the recording says, and I kid you not: ‘This train is for Blundon King’s Cross, etc’ . I picked up on this when I worked on them, and it is still the same today, as my wife and I heard last week when we had used the train to visit Lynn, then return.”

Ruby’s friend took her three-year-old along to the swimming pool for his lesson the other day. Standing on the side the instructor said: “Now, can everyone touch the bottom?” To which, Ruby’s friend’s boy obediently and somewhat proudly pressed both hands on his posterior.

How about this for an appropriate name for a Met Office press officer, especially this week, Helen Shivers?

Talking of the weather, Ruby had to wholeheartedly agree with BBC Radio Norfolk’s Matt Gudgin on Friday’s Breakfast Show with the comment that there was only one four-letter word to describe conditions and it begins with S. Oh, he meant snow. Sorry.

Ruby needed some thank you cards after Christmas so popped in to one of Lynn’s card shops. While she was very grateful indeed for her gifts she couldn’t face buying a card bearing the words ‘thankyou lot’s and lot’s and lot’s.’

John Taylor gets in touch to say: “Hi Rubes, it’s been a while. David gets on the train at King’s Cross heading home to Downham. He finds a seat in a very crowded carriage and gets out his mobile phone. ‘Hello darling, I’m on my way home. No I missed the six o’clock train. I’m on the 10 o’clock, No I’ve been with my boss for an urgent meeting. It took a while longer than expected. No I’ve not been with that blonde from the sales office. No I haven’t... I’ve been with the boss. It’s you I love. I never look at anyone else. I don’t even like her. Of course, I’m telling the truth, You are the only one for me. No I’d never even look at another woman.’ This goes on for some time and as they are approaching Ely a lady opposite has had enough and shouts on the top of her voice, ‘For goodness sake, David put that phone down and come back to bed’.”

Ruby would just like to point out that we frequently receive letters at the Lynn News from lorry drivers complaining as “professional drivers” about “amateurs” in their cars who are the true menace on the road. All one can say is that the bad driving observed on the roads during the cold weather has largely come from gon-up merchants in their lorries roaring down the outside lane and spraying all and sundry. Take it easy!