A King's Lynn dominatrix tells all
Since the advent of the 50 shades literary pandemic in 2011, BDSM has become more mainstream. Once considered a sexual subculture, practised only by heathens under the cover of darkness - the whips and chains phenomenon has evolved into a consumerist machine, a book genre and a film franchise.
CJ, who lives in Lynn, is a professional Domanatrix or “Domme” who earns about £100 an hour for her work.
She resides in a cosy apartment with a homely feel. She doesn’t have chains and hooks hanging from the wall. She comes to the door fresh-faced and smiling.
“50 Shades isn’t real BDSM, it’s abuse,” she said, “He’s controlling, he sends her unwanted gifts- that’s not what being a Dom is about.”
When asked what the most important thing about BDSM is, CJ is keen to point out that safety and consent are huge factors.
“Aftercare is always needed. I check in with clients after a session to make sure they are OK. It’s important to do so, you must look after people’s well-being. During ‘play’ they can stop at any time. When playing at parties it’s good practice to have others safeguarding your scene. BDSM play is not something you can just do on a whim, without education - I had professional training to be able to work safely.”
Curious as to how CJ got into her unusual profession, she said that following a divorce she “felt free to be herself”.
“It’s just fun. I’ve said no to some things, like castration, other than that I’m skilled and enjoy most ‘fantasy’ play that is legal from humiliation to acting out a drowning scenario. It’s a headspace to escape from your normal life. There must be trust, negotiation beforehand about safe words and boundaries, you need to use your equipment properly. Some people like to go out and drink at weekends or take drugs, everyone has their fun space - this is what I do and enjoy.”
Safe words must be agreed prior play. The universal safe word known is “Red”. Within the scene the “traffic light” system is common, so that the submissive or “sub” can communicate to the Dominant to indicate that they must stop.
(Sometimes the Dominant hasn’t gone too far but the sub needs to stop the scene. Sometimes the Dominant needs to stop the scene and will use the safe word themselves to tell the sub that they are stopping.)
Various types of equipment are used by a Dominant - often kept in a hand luggage style suitcase. When asked to view the equipment the Lynn News was shown an interesting array of items some familiar and others completely alien.
One hook looked like it belonged in a butcher’s back room. We'll leave it to your imagination as to what it is used for!
The suitcase was filled with other paraphernalia such as pumps, whips, paddles, chains, blindfolds and a padlocked necklace.
Upon leaving the apartment I was curious - did CJ enjoy more “vanilla” sex?
She laughed “Now, that would be telling”!
