A Senior Moment, by John Docker, March 7, 2017

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I can’t believe it. Is it really two months into the new year? And is that the first signs of new grass I see sprouting merrily midst the snowdrops? The prospect of mowing the lawn is making my back ache already! But with spring nearly upon us we mustn’t grumble and in this neck of the woods we have certainly escaped the worst of the weather. I do hope I won’t regret that remark!

But we certainly do need some reasons to be cheerful and with Trump tantrums and Brexit bickering continuing to dominate the headlines it’s not easy to unearth something amusing to chuckle about. But at least Star Trek veteran Patrick Stewart’s circumcision revelations on The Graham Norton Show raised a laugh – if nothing else!

Speaking of embarrassing moments, there must surely be some red faces among the booted suits of Leicester City’s management.

Football is not a subject on which I can claim to have any real knowledge other than two goal posts on a field, a spherical object with 22 men energetically kicking it and each other for ninety minutes, plus a short break to suck lemons and teeth.

Sacking the man who achieved the greatest title win in English football history, seems utterly incredible. Who’d be a football manager? No wonder so few of them appear to be British and now that foot-balling bumble-bees have arrived on the scene, I wonder how many more will be told to buzz off!

I personally have warm boyhood memories of boosting my pocket money with an armful of empty Tizer bottles, rescued legitimately or nicked from neighbouring dustbins.

And if we can ever tear them away from their techno-thingies there’s a vast army out there ready and able – even if not entirely willing, to return them to designated collection points in return for a financial reward.

It used to be ‘tuppence’ a bottle (2 old pennies to you young’uns) and especially as we’re talking silver these days - in Germany it’s over four bob apparently (old money), the return is surely worthwhile to any enterprising youngster.

Which is presumably why it has been so successful in a number of countries with recycle rates on plastic bottles of nearly 99 per cent compared to 57 per cent in the UK.

The recently introduced charge for plastic bags has brought about significant reductions in usage so why on earth are government and the food industry dragging their feet on this issue. Lost their bottle perhaps?

Whilst on the subject of pollution, there must be many thousands of drivers suffering from one of the biggest government motoring con-tricks in history, having been encouraged by Gordon Brown’s major tax incentives to switch to diesel.

This is especially so in London where they can now look forward to higher entry payments and parking charges let alone devaluation of their vehicles.

A retrospective apology and compensation would be appropriate.