Between The Lines, by Diane Lines, April 10, 2015

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What a dismal, dark, dank, grey, oppressive, cloudy, cold, raw Easter it was. While other parts of the country saw holidaymakers sunning themselves on beaches, it was only on Monday that the sun deigned to make an appearance here in Lynn.

I understand that it is perfectly possible to change the weather pattern, as shown at the Olympic Games in Bejing, by shooting something into the clouds. Can our council not organise something along these lines? I don’t mean the Olympics – I mean the cloud shooting.

Personally I am sick and tired of the blanket of grey which seems to have been looming for months over West Norfolk.

Yes, I know we had a good summer last year, but quite honestly that seems like a hundred years ago.

As everything is now sub-contracted out by the council, the work would have to be administered by another organisation, no doubt the one with the lowest quote – CloudsRUs, perhaps?

Obviously for ‘elf and safety reasons the shooting would have to be done at a quietish time – that rules out 2 in the morning on a Saturday and Sunday, when the pubs and clubs in Norfolk Street are closing.

Actually, come to think of it, that may be the perfect time to do it!

Having been kept awake from 2am onwards the other night, maybe if the cloud shooters could accidently get a few drunks at the same time they could fly two kites with one string, as it were.

Or, if the council didn’t want the bother of employing a sub-contractor, how about cutting out the middleman?

Instead of groups of braying yah-hoos shooting at the poor creatures raised for their ‘sport’, could they not shoot whatever it is at the clouds, and do something useful while they’re at it.

I’m not sure exactly what happens to the clouds afterwards, although I do think it’s possible to send them elsewhere. Could they not be sent out over the sea? Or at least be put in a sort of cloud pending file, and taken out later, perhaps in the middle of the night. Then we could enjoy glorious blue skies and blazing sunshine every day – bliss.

Of course, once the temperature gets above a certain level, there is very quickly a barrage of moans.

‘Ooer it’s too ot’, people complain, ‘I can’t bear it’. That other seasonal hazard occurs too – the shedding of clothes revealing yucky hairy bellies and skinny white legs, floppy boobs and all-over tattooes. And that is only the women!