To Be Frank, Frank Edmonds, July 28, 2015

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It’s no secret that I’m not a morning person. Yes, at this time of the year, I get why early birds rave about the pleasures of being up with the lark ... I suppose. But to me, it’s slim compensation for having dragged your weary body out of your nice warm bed at such an ungodly hour.

People talk about getting up “bright and early,” but seriously – how many folk do you know who can cheerfully combine “bright” with “early”? Aren’t you more likely to see Mr Grumpy Face, or Ms Don’t Even Think About Speaking To Me Until I’ve Had At Least Three Coffees?

All right – I guess I’m just not a lark. What do you mean, no – more like a vampire bat? Now you’re just being unkind! I bet I know what side of the bed you got out of this morning!

But you’re right, I am nocturnal. Aside from seeming plain unnatural to get up early when you could just as easily turn over and have another hour – or three – I do maintain it’s better that way.

Early risers talk about all the things they can get done by getting up as soon as they do. But you’ve only got so long, before the normal events of the day take over, haven’t you? If you stay up late instead, you’ve got the whole night stretching ahead of you! Think of everything you could do with all that time at your disposal!

Well, it works for me, anyhow. Only trouble is, it does tend to catch up with you. And, sadly, more so the older you get. Time was, I used to stay up until two, three or even four in the morning, a couple of times a week – and go to work the next day. Now ... it doesn’t quite work like that.

The other night I was a disgrace to my own kind. I had to give up and go to bed at half-eight ... no, I mean at night! If it had been half-eight in the morning, it would have been all right! But it’s a bit of a giveaway when you suddenly realise your eyes have been shut for the last 20 minutes.

The Better Half was merciless. A friend e-mailed her to say she’d come home and had to have a nap, and The Better Half replied: “That’s nothing!” She told how I’d announced I was going to go for a lie down, but I’d be back soon. “Ha!” she said. “Ha! We’ll see!”

OK ... so she got lucky, and called that one correctly! And for the record, yes we’d been out for a meal, there may have been a drink or two, and certainly there was an extremely nice dessert ... but that was neither here nor there!

So after such an early night, I was wide awake ridiculously early the next morning. But it just wasn’t right. I kept thinking it was tea time, and it was only just past midday!

I got my body clock back on track, though, and went to bed at stupid o’clock that night. Sorry, morning. That brought its own problems, though. I crept up to bed, trying not to wake The Better Half, only to find her sprawled out across her side ... and mine!

Oh no!