To Be Frank, January 6, 2015: Just what is baby oil?

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We all need to smile more. Whether you feel you’ve got the post-festive season blues, or whether you feel that the very fact we’ve now got Christmas and the New Year out of the way for another year is in itself cause for celebration – hey, we still all need to smile more!

So with that in mind, here’s another quick compendium of life’s little unanswered questions to add a little extra mirth to 2015. I hope you have a good one.

Why do people say they “slept like a baby,” when babies wake up every two hours?

Are employees of Liptons Tea allowed to take some coffee breaks?

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced “onety-one”?

Why is it that when someone tells you there are a billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there’s wet paint you have to put your finger on it to check?

How do all those dead flies get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why do people run over a piece of string a dozen times with the vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, and put it down again, to give the vacuum cleaner one more chance?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of a bottle?

Why in winter do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer, when we complained about the heat?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?

If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Why is there a light that comes on in the fridge, but not in the freezer?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered to have been assassinated instead of just murdered?

How is it that we put a man on the Moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in post offices? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on postage stamps so postmen can look out for them on their rounds?

Why is it that if you blow on a dog’s face he gets mad, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out of the window?

Why do toasters have a setting that can burn to a crisp?

Why do people pay to go up in tall buildings, and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever wonder who was the first person to look at a cow, and say: “I think I’ll squeeze those pink dangly things, and drink whatever comes out”?

Do illiterate people get the full benefit of alphabet soup?

And finally ... if quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Don’t think too hard about that one!